Could you benefit from couples counseling?
At first, it was so great. We were crazy about each other! We loved being together and had so much fun, just the two of us. We talked about our lives together and made each other feel so good. Dreamt of spending our lives together. We had big plans and were going to start a family and live happily ever after.
How to address the stress of your relationship after the newness wears off
Now, things have changed. We can’t seem to see eye to eye on anything, and we’re always fighting about something! Sometimes, the littlest thing will become a huge source of contention! I wish there were a way for us to just speak nicely to one another and to feel closer like we used to be.
Do you feel like the person who’s supposed to be your closest friend in the world is your greatest enemy? Do you long for the days when you felt close, understood, and taken care of? Have you ever fantasized about being with someone else, someone who cares more about you and thinks you’re wonderful? Do you find yourself getting defensive and taking things personally more than you’d like to when you try to connect with one another?
Is her negativity weighing you down? Maybe he doesn’t seem to care about you as much as he used to. Does her nagging and controlling behavior make you feel trapped? Is his indifference making you feel like you don’t have a partner? Are you tired of all of the demands and constantly feeling disappointed? Have you had enough of feeling taken for granted and unappreciated? Wouldn’t it be nice if your partner would truly see the good in you and understand how you feel?
If you find yourself nodding in agreement to any of these statements, then you might be experiencing what’s called insecure attachment in your relationship, and sometimes it happens to even the best couples.
Insecure attachment in Queens, NY, can show up in your relationship in a number of different ways:
- Constant and/or persistent bickering and fighting (not being able to see eye to eye)
- Having to be right and not being able to let things go
- Making assumptions about one another and not giving the benefit of the doubt
- Feeling taken for granted and misunderstood
- Making demands and controlling behavior
- An urge to withdraw and feelings of indifference toward your partner
- Feeling demoralized, disengaged, and wanting to give up
- Frustrated that you can’t seem to adequately get through to one another
- Digging in your heels and adamantly refusing to give in or see things from another perspective
Marriage and Couples Counseling in Queens, NY, can help reestablish the connection.
Insecure Attachment means that you really don’t know where you stand with your partner, and as a result, you act in ways that undermine your ability to feel close and connect. It may seem counterintuitive that when you feel insecure in your relationship, you would knowingly do things to make it even harder to feel close, BUT THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT INSECURELY ATTACHED COUPLES DO when they’re fighting for their relationship. Stop feeling frustrated and hopeless about your relationship. Give yourself a chance to put down the anger and resentment that’s been building between the two of you and consider Marriage and Couples Therapy in Queens.
When we feel insecurely attached to our partners, our nervous systems cannot relax. Then when we feel attacked, blamed, judged, or criticized when our partner’s disappointment in us causes us to feel bad about ourselves when we feel shame or overwhelming feelings of guilt, our survival brain takes over. We will fight to reestablish our relationship’s sense of equilibrium and security. To do this, to feel safe again in our relationship, we may disengage because it feels safer to take flight, or we may become demanding because we need responsiveness. Some of us with more traumatic histories just freeze up and go into our shells for protection, like a turtle.
How does Couples Counseling help couples with their relationships?
To explain how couples counseling helps, it is important to understand why we fight. We fight because we feel unsafe, unheard, misunderstood, insignificant, inadequately cared for, taken for granted, unseen, rejected, abandoned by our partner, and alone. Sometimes we may feel some of these things, or we may feel all of these things. But human beings are hardwired from birth for connection and when we don’t feel securely connected, aka “attached,” our nervous systems go into survival mode, otherwise known as Fight or Flight or Freeze mode.
We get into relationships for many reasons. A major one is so that we don’t feel alone. Humans feel much better and safer when securely attached to a committed relationship. But when that security is threatened, our nervous systems react, and we protect ourselves by either pursuing our partner, withdrawing from our partner or some combination of the two.
This “nervous system” reaction typically results in a predictable negative cycle which inevitably begins a fight. You may be a pursuer or a withdrawer, but whichever you may be, you’re fighting for your relationship. The problem is that your tactics and your technique are only causing the negative cycle to persist and get worse. When our nervous systems are busy protecting us from danger, we cannot adequately care for or see our partner’s side of the story. We can’t feel empathy for him or her, nor can we feel care or concern when we are so reactive, activated, and protective.
Marriage and Couples Counseling in New York can help you fall in love again.
An experienced marriage and couples counselor can help you break this dreadful negative cycle that makes you feel so painfully alone, misunderstood, unappreciated, and resentful. At Queens Relationship Counseling LCSW, PLLC proven methods are used to help you once again feel heard and acknowledged, cared about, and longed for so that your nervous systems can begin to relax, allowing you to start the healing process and feel great about your partner and your relationship!
At QRC you will learn how to identify your negative cycle, avoid the pitfalls that previously undermined your relationship, and repair your relationship will strengthen the bonds of trust and love more than they ever were before. I will help you reestablish the bond and attraction you initially felt towards one another when you first met.
Contact Queens Relationship Counseling in Queens, NY, to begin the Healing Process.
You don’t have to suffer any longer with feelings of hopelessness, anger, abandonment, and confusion in a relationship that feels loveless, in which you are constantly bickering, or in which you have decided that shutting down and disengaging is the best solution. Marriage and Couples Counseling can help! Marriage and Couples Counseling isn’t only for couples whose relationship is on the rocks and teetering on the verge of ending. Couples Therapy can also help more securely attached couples find even greater love and connection within their relationship.
1. Read more about us!
2. Set up an initial consultation to determine if Marriage and Couples Counseling is right for you.
3. Take action and begin the process of healing your relationship, reconnecting with your partner, feeling happier, more satisfied, and optimistic about your relationship, and ultimately reexperiencing the joy and love you once felt toward one another.
Other Services Offered at Queens Relationship Counseling
Ready to deepen your relationship? Then consider Marriage and Couples Therapy with Loren Aryeh Leib Ecker, LCSWR. His proven methods can be just the extra push your relationship needs to get you where you want it to be. Dealing with infidelity in your relationship or looking for treatment with porn? Help is here for that too!